


⇪ i’m just like you.

by estim8te



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Character Study, Conversation in Liberio, Conversations, Gen, Kissing, M/M, Past Reiner Braun/Eren Yeager, Reiner is Helos point blank period, Season/Series 04, Short, Suicidal Thoughts, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29943039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estim8te/pseuds/estim8te
Summary: “I don’t love you.”“I don’t love you either.”“But I 𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 now.”
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Eren Yeager
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	⇪ i’m just like you.

**Author's Note:**

> The artists of twt really put me on to ererei. this was inspired by [this ererei](https://twitter.com/Gurimmtaku/status/1358573996749377538?s=20) fanart by gurimmtaku on twt. wheeeee! 
> 
> TW: SUICIDAL IDEATIONS. Reiner's mind is a dark place.

When innocent little Falco ushered Reiner into the shady basement quarters of an apartment complex, yammering about finding one of Reiner’s cool old friends, the older was rightfully perplexed.

His confusion flew out of his body in exchange for something a million times worse once he realized who the friend was.

He had grown; still shorter than Reiner, and yet he seemed to be more of a man than he ever could be. His presence was titanic, colossal, elephantine. 

The asthenic, broken little pillar of resolve that was left within Reiner’s spirit promptly crashed out of existence, crumbling into trillions of pieces and vanishing into nothingness. Just like that, the thought of a bullet to the brain crossed his mind, seeming like a delicious, sweet release. Why couldn’t he just die in peace?

Anything was a better alternative than facing Eren Jaeger. Especially like this.

If he was angry before, there was no telling what he was feeling—what he was _thinking_ —now. But Reiner had a few ideas.

Falco, bubbly and bright-eyed as ever, hadn’t noticed the obvious tension in the room as the two young men made eye contact.

He smiled at Eren, who smiled back, green eyes stuck between a mix of pain and fondness towards the boy. 

“Mr. Kruger, I brought him just like you asked!” Falco grins.

“Thank you, Falco. Go ahead, Reiner, have a seat,” he gestures to the wooden chair directly across from his.

Reiner sits, cautiously, slowly, and delicately. If he even breathed out of place, anything could happen. And Falco—what would he do with Falco? 

Despite his tired eyes and the dim lights, Reiner could see the castaway crutch on the ground at Eren’s side, and his eyes couldn’t help but zone in on that limb that he refused to regenerate. An act he’d seen firsthand by Reiner, willing away his incredible healing for the sake of his façade. Reiner gulped.

The preteen, who leaned up against the wall, was fixing to leave until Eren—or Mr. Kruger—urged him to stay. He tried to politely dismiss himself, not wanting to intrude on their catching up despite being fiercely interested in whatever they might say to each other, but the long-haired vet still pressed him to stay.

“Falco, just do what he says.” Despite his best efforts, Reiner’s voice quivers. 

The Armored titan was scared out of his wits; and finally, the young warrior could sense it. It seemed like some of the nerves itching along Reiner’s skin had finally jumped onto the young boy. He had finally realized they were in a delicate situation. 

And with Eren ‘Kruger’ holding him as a witness, he’d surely realize much more.

“Long time no see,” Eren greets, voice raspy and monotone. “It’s been four years, Reiner.”

“Yeah,” the blond answers, picking his words carefully. It felt like he was playing Mid-East Roulette with six bullets in the chamber. “Why are you here?”

“‘Cause there’s a lot I want to say to you. Honestly, I don’t know where to start.”

Eren needs to pick a time, place, or object, because the anticipation is killing Reiner. He should give him his worst, his curses, his hatred, his grief, and his _vengeance_ —and then let it be over. But he couldn’t stand this. In this stuffy basement, with just him and the dark-haired boy he used to know—used to mentor—he can’t stand being under his one-eyed gaze. This boy, who at fifteen, sixteen, _seventeen_ reminded Reiner of his thirteen-year-old self. His bold aspiration and godlike fantasies of being a hero and slaughtering all his enemies. Ironically enough, they seemed like two sides of the same coin… and now it came back to bite.

With all Reiner has seen, he just wants the bite to be quick and painless. He may not deserve it painless; but he could dream and he could pray.

He’s so scared.

“Four years?” Falco mumbles, “How ‘old’ of a friend is he?“

“Eren,” the older warrior cuts in. A silent question follows. Eren hears it loud and clear. _What do you want?_ He ignores it.

“This place is perfect. Everyone above us is waiting to see the play and we can hear everything loud and clear despite being behind the stage,” he chats. 

“Mr. Kruger,” Falco chimes. He called him by the name he knew, the name he befriended. “Your hand. You hurt your hand!”

“Yeah, looks like I did,” he reveals the long gash along his palm. It’s a clean, meticulous cut made with a utility knife. Definitely intentional. “It’s no big deal though; just a scratch.” 

It leaks dark red, dripping down his hand like an open threat.

A time. A place. An object. 

Again the vice chief warrior asks, “Why are you here?”

“Same reason as you. You get it? I’m here for what you’re here for.”

The nonchalance felt like a gunshot wound. Knowing Eren, everything out of his mouth was the truth. But Reiner was only here because he missed home, his mother, his baby cousin, and his comrades. What did Eren have left to miss? Reiner took everything away from him; and even after leaving the island, the impact of him smashing through that wall still shakes the little kingdom to its very core.

Reiner places his hands on his head, fingers threading through his short hair, trying to rip it out. He felt guilty and yet he felt nothing at all. Where was the judgment? Where was the passionate anger that Reiner had come to respect? He _earned_ it, he _deserved_ it! Where was Eren’s wrath? Reiner wanted to get it over with; it’s what he deserved, it’s what he _needed._ He couldn’t breathe. He shouldn’t breathe.

“I’m here ‘cause I had no other choice.” The sound of applause punctuated his words. His tone shifts, “It’s started… Let’s listen.”

Somehow Willy Tybur’s voice manages to resound clear as day through the brick walls of the building—and it seemed like being underground only made his words clearer. Willy, head of the Tyburs, honorable backseat ruler and aristocrat of Marley, hated his Eldian blood with every fiber of his being, yet selfishly enough, wanted to live. And to live means that all the island devils should die—their Eldian cousins across the pond should perish—because they’re hellspawn and can activate the Rumbling at any given moment now that the Founder has fallen out of royal hands. They could stomp out the entire world and not give a damn about anyone else’s prayers. It was too great a risk to let them live. This convincing argument garnered the cheers of world leaders, journalists, civilians, and military personnel. With unprecedented global support, Willy Tybur declares war on Paradis Island for everyone to hear. His voice could not be any louder.

“Is that why you destroyed the wall, Reiner? You were trying to save the world?”

He was so calm… so eerily calm. Reiner would’ve been more comfortable if he lashed out at him. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Falco, teetering on his feet, anxious as the air seems to get heavier.

Eren unwrapped the knot at the end of his pant leg, allowing his leg to grow out to its full length right before Falco’s eyes. The steam radiating off the fresh limb was enough to have the boy’s jaw dropped.

“The person who has stolen the Founding titan and effectively poses a threat to the rest of the world is called,” everything everywhere freezes at Willy’s words, “Eren Jaeger.”

Now, any love Falco had for the other had morphed into something else entirely. Betrayal. 

“You tricked me!” He accuses. “I respected you and you _tricked_ me!”

“Falco!” Reiner snaps. Falco’s not the only one who’s been tricked. A nasty feeling twists in the vice chief’s gut; he’s more disappointed in himself than anything.

Eren apologizes. “I’m sorry, Falco. But I needed your help.”

The preteen furrows his brows, both infuriated and frightened. “What was in those letters you had me send?”

Reiner suppressed a gasp. He had seen Falco constantly running to and fro through town. Every time, he was at a mailbox or on his way to the post office. 

He suddenly remembers everybody in the audience, everybody in these suites above them.

Everybody in Liberio.

It couldn’t be good.

“They didn’t reach my family but they definitely reached my comrades.”

“Comrades…”

It really, really couldn’t be good.

The kid falls to the ground and wails, screaming in silence. He felt played.

“It’s just like Willy said. I’m the bad guy. I’m the guy who might destroy the whole world. But to me, in my eyes, you looked like bad guys too. That day,” Eren recollects, “when titans invaded my hometown, I watched my mom get eaten. I didn’t understand it. I _can’t._ Tell me, Reiner… why was my mom eaten alive by a titan that day?”

“Because,” he struggles, clearing his throat. “Because we broke the wall.”

Eren broke him down further. “Why’d you break the wall?”

“To sneak in during the chaos and see how the king would react,” Reiner admits, tired.

Eren broke him down further, scooting closer in his chair to ask, “What was your mission?”

Reiner was suffocating under his gaze. But the suffocation didn’t stop him from admitting his sins. Sins he, _Reiner Braun,_ committed; not his ancestors from thousands of years ago. 

It sounds stupid to say now; but as a boy, it was exhilarating to be assigned such a task.

“Our mission… to save the world and retake the Founding titan.”

“Well then, if it was to save the world, I guess you didn’t have much choice,” Eren whispers like it’s some grave secret. “I remember our cadet days… back when I was ignorant and thought titans were the enemy. I was scared and angry all the time and you were the levelheaded big brother who used to guide me on the ways of a soldier and comfort me on nights where I couldn’t sleep.”

Look at them now. Reflective. Two sides of the same coin, constantly landing on one of two different extremes. 

Reiner tries to look anywhere but his face.

He can’t stand looking at the boy he backstabbed, the boy he helped turn into a menace—into the Devil! This was the boy he constantly lied to, readily smiling in his face and saying he believed in him. He did believe in _something in him_ and he still does; that’s the scary part… because Eren is capable of so much more now. And Reiner helped cause that.

“You once told me… you said ‘I’ll make you suffer in the worst way possible.’ Isn’t that why you’re here? Just do it already!” Reiner demands.

“Oh,” Eren chuckles wryly, awkwardly scratching at the bandage wrapping half his head. “I _kind of_ remember saying that. You can forget about it.” He cringes. The thought of his old self—his ignorant self—kind of repulsed him. He used to think the warrior deserved to be grotesquely murdered, and he can see it all over the other’s face that he thinks so too. If you ask him what Reiner deserves now, it’s surely not all that! It’s just that Eren has to march forward by any means necessary. “Truth be told, I did see everyone on this side of the ocean as my enemy... but then I ate with them, slept under the same roof, got to know them. Some are bad, terrible, revolting. Some are sweet, wonderful, and angelic. Just like people. Like my home. We’re all just... people.”

With the hand that wasn’t leaking profuse amounts of blood, Eren cradled his stubbly cheek, drawing the blond closer. Up this close, Reiner could see that behind those jade eyes, he was just as tired; but more determined than Reiner had ever been for _anything._

“Wha—“

Before Reiner could ask what he was doing, the world’s number one enemy leaned in and kissed him.

It wasn’t chaste. It was aggressive, like this was the last taste of each other they’d ever get. Like he’d _miss_ him. Reiner feels tears welling up in his eyes and cries, his surprised moan being swallowed down by Eren.

All he could think about was Eren Jaeger, his tongue that tasted like candy on their worst days, bitter on their best, and how _bad_ of a decision it was to ever meet him.

The rest of the world disappeared for another long moment. Reiner would miss him. He’d desperately miss this maniac he helped create. Whatever was coming next... He knew he’d miss him and everyone else on that damn island! And he’d forever wish that they’d met under different circumstances. Eren stands, cupping the fake-Marleyan’s face in his hands, staining blood on his right side.

Falco sputters and blushes when Eren sucks on Reiner’s tongue and then offers his own. The noises were obscene and loud in the small room, like they had something to prove. Like there was love within the walls. Eren mmms and Reiner ahs one time too many for the boy to handle and he finally squeaks out a garbled mess of words. His usual confidence was suddenly wash away and he became unintelligible.

The senior warrior shudders as they parted lips but they didn’t release the death grip they had on one another. Reiner’s hand was tight on the other’s coat. Eren’s warm blood was still pouring onto his cheek. An open threat. A loud one. Eren glares a sharp green eye at the kid, like he had ruined their moment.

Falco stammers, hands up, “I… I, um—“

“Don’t be mistaken. I don’t love you,” the Eldian declares in full honesty, looking straight into Reiner’s blue eyes.

It was fair. He didn’t expect him to. The blond huffs nonetheless. He doesn’t know anything. He doesn’t know how he feels about him. He doesn’t hate him, that was for sure. He had no right to. Yet he didn’t have a proper word for what he felt. Honestly, he had no rights to love or hate anyone from an island he helped trample to the ground.

Still, he forces himself to say something. Eren was waiting for a response and he isn’t too good to talk to an island devil. He knew better than that.

“I don’t love you either.”

“But I do understand you now. You were just helpless kids. All of you,” the Eldian stares at Reiner’s pitiful face. “You were brainwashed to think everyone on the other side was a devil and nothing like you. They dehumanized the hell out of us; but you were kids, you didn’t know any better and that was all you were taught. It was all you were given.”

Eren sighs. A despondent tear slides down the vice chief’s face. Now, he could cry enough for the both of them. Hell, he could cry for the whole world!

Back in the day, the roles were reversed. Eren would cry and let out all his lamentations and Reiner would be his support; he was _everyone’s_ support. Now Reiner can’t even speak yet Eren still manages to read him like an open book. His bloody thumb swipes over his cheek, erasing the tear but spreading the blood.

“That’s not it...” Reiner fell to his knees, head bowed in shame. “The day Marcel, our comrade, was eaten, Annie and Bertholt wanted to turn back but I wouldn’t let them! I talked them into staying! I did it! I wanted to be a hero! It was my fault… Your mother was eaten by a titan because of me!”

Falco tenses. He couldn’t fathom what he was hearing, what he was seeing. Everything he knew was coming to question. They weren’t friends… but they weren’t enemies… What were they to each other? What did this mean about the island?

A Paradis Island soldier and an honorary Marleyan—what was he looking at? Something in Falco’s heart wrenched. It felt like he shouldn’t be here; but clearly, Eren wanted him to learn something.

Eren _Jaeger._ The man on every nation’s hit list. The man with godlike powers that could wipe out the whole world.

“I’m sick of this!” His senior banged his fists on the ground. “Just kill me already!”

There it is. He snapped. Popped. Exploded. He said it. The first time he could say what he really feels to Eren without a single filter and without a sliver of guilt. It felt good to be fucking honest.

“I knew it; I am the same as you,” the dark-haired man admits.

Falco’s heart thumps in his chest. The same? Was it really that simple? Why, then? Why was it so complicated? The same…

His eyes tracked Eren’s every move.

The usurper extended his hand towards the vice chief, helping him up. Falco sees the blood of Eren’s palm all over Reiner’s khaki coat, his face, all over his arms and legs.

The official global terrorist continues, glancing at their joined hands. “I think we were born this way… I’ll just keep moving forward… until I’ve destroyed my enemies.”

In time with Willy’s speech, lightning flashes from all angles and all Reiner could do is grab the boy and take cover.

_“Falco!”_

Death would’ve been easier.

**Author's Note:**

> Reiner Braun is Helos. That ain't DaHero that's MY hero.🥰💕


End file.
